An Honest Discussion on Money and Budgeting

As a mom, specifically a stay-at-home mom, life changes regarding budgeting the very first day you commit to staying home. Never for a moment have a regretted the decision to leave the workforce, but it has come with its challenges. Going from a two-income home to one put a lot of responsibility on my husband, but it put an even greater expectation on myself.

I have not always been successful at it. I have failed countless times. I began living in a mindset as if I was still working full-time. I realized that I had to shift my behavior to match the situation I was in. One thing I truly appreciate about my husband is that he has had a lot of grace on me through this journey of figuring out our finances. He has always wanted the kids and I to be happy, to have the best of what ever we need. He will always say that he does not want me to hold back on purchasing products or things for the home that will nurture our kids or enrich our environment. His grace toward our financial journey has allowed me to make bad mistakes without dealing with bad consequences (insert sweating brow emoji). Joking aside, budgeting is a journey.

I think my struggle has always been regarding wanting the best for my kids. I love to splurge on clothing and shoes for them, the best hygiene products, organic toothpastes and supplements, bamboo plates and utensils, the list goes on and on. As a mom, you want the best for your kids. Quality of product and inflation alone is a hurdle, let alone not providing a full-time (or even part-time) income. I appreciate organic products and produce as well, and we all know that simply costs more because it is a more wholesome, healthy option. So how does one improve quality of life, over an entire lifespan, for multiple people in a household, without depleting your resources? That was the big question I had.

For some time, I thought it was impossible to budget. I would answer to my husband and literally give him an explanation for every item I purchased and WHY we needed it. I laugh thinking about how well I could make an argument for things we did not need at the time, but impulsively bought any ways.

The change came when I began praying for a wholehearted content heart. I have always been a content person, but I realized that there were small pockets of my heart that were living with discontentment. Comparison is the enemy of a good thing. It will drive you to do things in your subconscious that you otherwise would not do. Social media ads, wandering the stores, seeing your friend’s kids gear and clothing, all made me purchase things that I didn’t need, but thought I did.

It has been a few years since we lost an income in our home. I think I am finally reaching a place of adjusting. I continue to make mistakes, and have moments of impulsivity, but they aren’t moments that reap detrimental consequences. Here is what I have learned and what is currently working for me:

1. Calculate all your necessary payments on a monthly basis. From there, determine with the income you make, what you have left for spending. Determine how much you would like to be saving or investing on a monthly basis. With that in mind, my husband and I have an allotted amount monthly that we can together spend. We do like using a credit card as opposed to cash, so we save every receipt, write it down and keep a running total of what we have left to spend.
   
   For holidays and special occasions, we allow ourselves to stretch the budget. It makes it easier to stick to in the long term because being too ridged can make things worse.
   
   
2. The goal of an emergency fund and savings fund should motivate you to skip on an impulsive moment of spending. Ask yourself, is this item I want to buy essential, or is it wounding my ability to contribute to a fund that will provide security for a day we may need it?
   
   
3. Like #2, having a long-term goal helps you spend less in the short term. For example, installing central air to increase the value of your home (or comfort) or making a new car purchase for the family will drive you to save more than spend. Having a goal and timeline makes you crunch and stretch that budget more to work for you.
   
   
4. Money is a tool. It is not a source of pleasure. I remember considering one of my hobbies shopping. I have since shifted that mindset and say to myself, what else can I do to get that satisfaction but not spend a dollar? I go on a run, catch some sun and fresh air outside, visit loved ones, bring the kids to a park. These are alternative, enjoyable things to do that do not cost money. If I stay away from a store and unsubscribe to the text notifications of deals going on, I find myself in a much happier and better financial situation.
   
   
5. Quality over quantity. I am finding in life that if you invest in more quality products and spend slightly more, its longevity is much better than something cheaply made. For myself, I buy less and wait for moments of intentional spending. If I don’t love it, I don’t need it. For my children, that’s still a struggle for me. However, the spending I do on them balances out the lack of spending I do on myself. This is definitely not a solution (haha) but when I figure it out, I will share it with you all.
   
   
6. Do not hide your purchases from your spouse or loved ones. They are your greatest accountability. I have never been the wife who leaves her bags in the car or waits till my husband isn’t home to unload, but what I can say is that I had moments of not wanting to hand over the receipt to him to scan for reward points (haha!). Whenever I feel that feeling in my gut, I know I overspent, and I often return products immediately for the benefit of our home. Loved ones are a great accountability when you are on the same page. When they know what your goals are, they have a way of keeping you on track, whether they are outspoken or just present to witness your behavior.
   
   
7. The final tip I have is to find a way to generate income from the home. For me, I was able to land an online teaching position. Having a little spending money is great for contributing toward a big financial purchase or offsetting those fun splurges.

I know some of this sounds miserable. I too, felt this way at one point in time. What I have learned is that there is peace in financial freedom. You cannot buy peace and happiness, but you can save and budget your way to it. By changing your behaviors little by little, you obtain a lifestyle that fits exactly what you hope to gain out of life. Search the places in your heart of discontentment, work on it, and then attack your budget to make it work for you.