Children Deserve Our Excellence: A Mother’s Journey

Children deserve our excellence. In my journey of motherhood, I am often inspired by mothers who tell me “I wish I knew this…” or “I wish I did this…”, implying that with knowledge and experience, they recognized a more efficient or fruitful means by which to do something. These are the mothers who truly inspire me. Why? They are constantly evaluating themselves, a form of discipline that is so critical to character development. I hope to be that mother; one that makes mistakes, learns from them, and passes it on to the next mama in need of encouragement or answers. What often triggers me the wrong way are statements such as “It’s not ideal but this is how we do it…” or “That’s just the way it has to be…”. This, to me, implies that there is something else taking first place over the child. Maybe, for a time, there are no options or alternative means by which to operate.

Let me make one side note.

Maybe you are a mama in survival mode. For you, I see you and I understand. You brought children in to this world, whether prepared for it or not, and you are doing your absolute best to just tread water. Regardless of how you feel right now, you are a true hustler. You recognize your weaknesses, and you are doing everything you can to arrive to a place where you feel like both you and your child(ren) are living the life you always envisioned. That is excellence. You are doing your best with what you have.

Now back to my original thought – excellence is not perfection

Excellence is not perfection. One thing my husband always reinforces to me is “excellence in all that we do”. At first glance, it sounds like lofty expectations, but really it’s not. Excellence is doing the best with what you are given and striving to always make improvements to how you do something. It is a dynamic, active process. What comes with excellence is self-evaluation, boundaries, self-control, and an extensive amount of energy. Honestly, I was prompted by this thought as I was vacuuming the crumbs out from under the couch. Vacuuming the cushions and crevasses of a couch is probably the least rewarding job ever. No one notices it, yet it takes time. It’s the last thing you want to do when you were up four times in the night with your six month old. You could probably insert your least rewarding household task here and I would wholeheartedly agree. However, the only thing that motivates me in doing this is that I am putting forth excellence into our home and for our kids. When I can cuddle with my daughter on a clean couch, with clean blankets and read her favorite books, I know I’ve maximized my daughter’s comfort. When she sees me vacuuming the couch, she sees that I value our property and I seek to take care of it. Your wealth is truly what you value. Will my daughter remember a clean couch, probably not. However, I know she will remember how she felt. If I reflect back upon my own childhood, my mom lived by doing everything “decently and in order”. Those words are constantly on reply in my mind. Why? Because “decently and in order” maximized my ability to live out a wonderful childhood. I ate balanced, I had fun, I slept well, and I never felt as if I lacked anything.

Holistic parenting.

A holistic approach to parenting is excellence. Whether my mom knew it or not, she approached parenting with a holistic outlook. She sacrificed everything to give us the very best of her. She is my biggest inspiration as a mom now myself. Her parenting gave me perspective. As I raise two young, beautiful children of my own, I am always thinking of how I can maximize every area of their life. Disclaimer: This does not cost any money, just time and sacrifice. Whether it’s adapting their schedules, changing how and when we discipline, altering their diet to positively affect their moods, or keeping the home clean (because this is the environment I want them to feel most safe in while they learn and develop), excellence is obtained in the smallest of ways, and sometimes the biggest too. I will just stop myself here and get to the solution,

Personal experiences: my journey of striving for excellence

Sacrifice. If you know me personally, you know I take the time to do what I love. It’s important. As a mom or caretaker, you do not want to become so consumed with child-rearing that you end up loosing yourself in the process, because that is not healthy for your children either. I enjoy a good workout session or DIY projects around the house, but it does not come before my family. My biggest advice is to only take on what will not take away from the balance that your home needs to operate at its fullest potential.

I wake up early. It’s critical. There are days when you feel like all you accomplished was your morning workout or finishing a hot cup of coffee in one sitting. So, it’s important to have that “time” for yourself, because we all know that kids can make a day feel like it went to ruins. Waking up early allows me to start meal prepping for the morning, giving me the time when my children wake to cuddle them a little longer before they are demanding food. Quiet time before the kids wake allows you to review your calendar, make the “to-do” list, order your groceries in peace, etc. It allows you the time to evaluate where your home is at, and brainstorm what changes need to be made. I cannot think in the midst of chaos, so quiet moments are essential for me.

Podcasts are my new go to. Podcasts are where I gather most of my information these days. It is just easier to do while driving in the car. I cannot stay up late at night and read books like I once did, so instead I gather valuable information and insight from podcasts. There are so many things I have learned from mothers, grandmothers, and Christian based family counseling podcasts that I have implemented in the home and in my parenting. A few of the podcasts I listen to on regular basis are: Focus On Parenting, Simplified, and Risen Motherhood. I think of it this way. If I am required to do continuing education credits in my professional realm, why not put that same demand on myself as a mother? They matter more than my career, so of course I am going to learn as much as I can to enrich their lives even more. Just head to your podcasts app and search anything you want to learn or grow in, and it will be there. I’m sure of it!

I intentionally engage with my children. My job as a mother is to keep my children safe, to aid in their development, and to give them boundaries in which to flourish in. That requires a lot of mental and physical energy. This means limiting social media time, this means removing distractions, this means staying home a little more often and being intentional about community involvement. I know that I am building trust with my children as I engage in what is purposeful to them. I know that when my daughter helps me clean up our messes, she is gaining awareness of more than just herself. I know that by keeping a schedule that works for our family, I can troubleshoot more easily when things seem “off”. All of these things are just small examples of how we try to put forth excellence in all that we do.

Lastly, I am up late. Well, not all the time, but most of the time. It’s just another opportunity to put the house back together when the day is done. Waking up to a home in order sets the tone for the day. It’s an opportunity to get things done that you do not want to necessarily do when you could be playing with your children. Toys are put away, surfaces are sanitized, laundry is done, dishwasher on, and then maybe a bath for myself to unwind.

I’ll wrap it up.

Nothing I have described to you is exemplary, but what I can say is that it is consistent. It is an intentional way of living, knowing that finding a balance in all things is healthy for the mind, the body, and the spirit. Our children deserve the very best from us. They deserve to have the same chances we had, or even better if you feel like you yourself did not have an ideal childhood. I am not saying that today you have to have a perfectly clean house with vacuum lines in the carpet in order for your kids to have the best of you, but what I am saying is that children deserve our own very best.

Real quick before I loose you to another life demand… As a student, I used to be so proud when I got an A- on a test that I thought for sure I would have done worse on. When I would go home and brag to my parents, my dad would gently say “Was an A- your best work?” to which I would reply yes or no. He would say “Well, you did watch a lot of TV this week” or “You spent a lot of time at a friend’s house”. Frustrated then, I realize now that he was pointing out an issue of excellence. Those tests really mattered to me, and if I had just given it a little more effort, I would have truly been proud of the A-, however, the lack of total effort kept me wondering if I could have done better. Do not let that be your story with raising children. Change how you do things now so that one day you can look back on your life knowing you gave your kids what they truly needed, the best version of you.

“… He will gently lead those with young.”

Isaiah 40:11