Sacrificial Love: Ways to Invest in Your Marriage

Jesus Changes Everything

Going about my days, I have thought about so many things I could talk upon regarding what sets us apart as a couple and as a family. I humbly write this, not to boast in our own accomplishments, but to boast in the power and unexplainable grace from Him who lives in us. I recently did a devotional study on the impact of the Gospel, “good news”, on an individual’s life. In it, we were prompted to make a list: the gospel’s impact on our family vs. the absence of the gospel. In my early morning quiet time, I began weeping. It is a sobering thing as a Christian to make a list, reminding you of what you would be without Jesus. The sacrificial love that He shows. My family would be falling apart from the natural stresses of life, my marriage would be full of second thoughts and jealousy, my relationships with others might be distance out of my own desires to get ahead or think of myself, anxiety would fill my days, fear would cripple my actions, doubt would blind me from seeing the future. You get the idea.

Beware of “Good”

Maybe you don’t consider yourself a child of God. Maybe you haven’t surrendered your life to Him. All I can confidently say is that God created you and He has filled our hearts with a desire to be intimate with Him. We just get in our own way and try to fill that void with other earthly things. So, maybe right now you’re comfortable where you are at. Maybe life is good. Maybe your marriage is great. Maybe the way you have been doing things is going smooth. Don’t wait for God to get your attention. You may think you lead a good life, but is it a Godly life? One of my all-time favorite books is by an author you may or may not be familiar with, John Bevere. His book, Good or God? Why Good Without God Isn’t Enough is a harsh reminder that what we consider good isn’t necessarily God’s will is for our lives. I highly recommend you check it out.

Give It to the One Who Created It

Brett and I are both two imperfect individuals who decided to get married. It is as simple as that. Sure, we have a list of reasons why we chose each other, but that is not what has kept us married, or what will keep us married. It is only through surrendering our relationship to Christ that things work out the way God intended. So, what does sacrifice entail? It’s putting ourselves aside and serving first, God, and second, each other. Marriage is a wonderful picture of how Christ views his Church, his bride, his followers. That is why we view marriage as such a sacred thing. The husband is to love his wife, passionately, unconditionally, honoring her as the weaker vessel. This is not something well accepted in today’s culture. Often women are subjected in ways that dishonor her body and unique purpose. Culture wants to paint women as the stronger sex, mitigating the natural role of the man. The Bible calls women the weaker vessel. This does not mean women are less valuable, rather it is commanding the husband to treat his wife with understanding, tenderness, and patience. The wife is called to respect her husband, to love him most, second to God. She should respect her husband by submitting to his leadership in and outside of the home.

Love Can Be Messy

This does not happen overnight. We can personally attest to it. It takes work. Having God as our accountability keeps us in line to do what is right, even when we do not feel like it. On days when we really don’t like each other, we have a God to turn to that helps us work out all of the kinks. I am so grateful for that. God has been so merciful and loving to us, that our spouses deserve just the same. It’s okay to have dark days in marriage, but it should be in the hopes of working through an issue and becoming stronger. I think that if records of wrong are kept, bitterness festers, jealously ensues, and vengeful actions are poked at one another, it only makes for even more stress on the marriage. In our home, we have a sign with 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 on the wall. Though this verse is not directly tied to marriage, it serves as a good reminder of how we should treat one another. I would encourage you, the reader, to make note of this verse and put it on a mirror or a cabinet door. Let God’s word begin to take an active part in your relationship.

“Love is patient, Love is kind, It does not envy, It does not boast, It is not proud, It does not dishonor others, It is not self-seeking, It is not easily angered, It keeps no record of wrong, Love does not delight in evil, But rejoices with the truth, It always protects, Always trusts, Always hopes, Always perseveres, Love never fails.”

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Invest In Your Marriage

Marriage in itself is a beautiful thing. Doesn’t God just create the most beautiful things?! When I take a step back and look at what our marriage has been to us, where it’s brought us, and the legacy we are creating, I realize that every good thing stems from our marriage. Apart from our relationship with Christ, it should be the number one thing we invest our time, energy and resources in. Brett and I have been together eleven years, four of those married, and we have been on two marriage retreats and back for marriage counseling with the same pastor who did our pre-marital classes. It’s essential to invest in improving self and each other. There is no shame in asking for advice from a third-party. There is no shame in recognizing damaged areas and seeking to fix them. It’s your marriage. The same way you would repair your car if it wasn’t working, or you would change your lifestyle habits for your health is the same urgency you should have toward your spouse.

Choose to Commit

A maverick life is viewing your marriage as an essential entity to safeguard. Making commitments in general today is a maverick mentality. No one commits to marriage these days. It’s easier to shack up (Something I say toward the reader who calls themselves a Christian. If you’re not a Christian, you don’t know better) and live together with no ties than it is to decide on going through a process where you are establishing an oath with God that you will love each other, no matter what, till the day you die.

So what makes our marriage set us apart? We love each other, we love each other more than our own self, and we don’t give up. Who is our example? Jesus. We love each other and seek to do the will of God, together. We have seen the faithfulness of God. He does not relent on His promises to us. We stand on His truth, we listen to His commands, and He guides us in all things.