Welcome Home – Advice for First Time Moms

If you have been following our social media platforms, you already know that I recently became an aunt for the first time. I should say an official aunt, because there are several children in my life who I’ve seemingly adopted as my nieces and nephews. Nevertheless, watching my sister bring a baby into this world has been such a wonderful experience. I’m sure if you asked her, she might not describe it as wonderful in this moment, but what newborn experience is? I love the pros of being an aunt; enjoying the wonder and newness of life, but having no personal responsibility at the end of the day (haha). Apart from this small side note, I was prompted to write an entry on what it is like to bring a baby home for the first time, maybe even the second (which I plan to touch on in a future journal). I was fortunate to spend some uninterrupted time with my sister and it was during that time that I realized how much I am in mom mode. Watching another woman become a mother is quite amazing. As I watched my sister handle the newness with ease and grace, I couldn’t help but just think about how innate and God given this gift of motherhood is. Whether you feel completely clueless or like a seasoned veteran, watching mothers sacrifice their personal comforts to tend to a newborn is remarkable. 

My first remarks are to the new mom. I want to encourage you first by saying that God could not have paired a more perfect match when he gave you your son or daughter. No matter how inadequate or inexperienced you feel, just know that God already chose you long ago to be the mother of that baby. Only you will know how to distinguish it’s cries, only you will know what makes that baby happy or upset. Only you will be able to determine what it is exactly your baby needs. I am not saying this to deceive you or to lead you to feel hyped for what is to come, I am speaking this out of genuine experience. Only you will know your baby best. From the moment you carry your baby, God will equip you with everything you need. 

Speaking from personal experience, I always try to set myself up mentally for the most realistic expectations. I am an expectant kind of person. If someone tells me something, I often cling to every word in hope that it will be true. I would say in the last month of my pregnancy, I begin to mentally prepare for no sleep and no space. I feel like the end of a pregnancy is so uncomfortable that you just long to “not be pregnant “ anymore; you look forward to sleeping on your stomach again, not waking to pee one hundred times in a night, restful sleep, and just having your body back. Well, then your baby arrives. This wonderful blessing, a reflection of you and your spouses love, a gift of God, arrives. And boy does it arrive. A hurricane of emotions, of physical and mental stretch, a forever change of pace. 

Choose to place your expectations at a realistic place. Expect nothing from no one, expect a significant lack of sleep, expect to be uncomfortable, and expect for the birth of your baby to be an enduring journey, one of many highs and lows. When you are realistic about the changes that a baby brings, you will excel. Understand that life will never be the same, but also know that you’ll never wish again that it was any other way. 

Communicate with your support system. Choose wisely who you will look to for support in the first days of motherhood. Often, I feel people are too open with loved ones or friends and experience an overwhelming feeling when they cannot keep everyone updated. Do not feel obligated to keep people updated on every moment of your transition in life. I highly suggest you pick women or mothers in your life that have proven themselves pre-pregnancy as invested people in your life. If they were not there for you before, if they did not care about your well-being before, do not invite them into probably one of the most vulnerable times of your life. Make this known to your spouse as well; kindly ask them not to spill your private information to people who did not care before.

After you have chosen your support people, use them. Take them up on every offer they give you. Whether it’s holding the baby, educating you on tips and tricks, doing the laundry, or bringing a meal, allow them to do that. 

A good support system will recognize the importance of alone time as well. They will understand your need for a quiet home with just your spouse present. They will not bombard you, they will respect the quiet time you need to adjust and heal. They will methodically know when to help, and when to equip and step back. 

Choose to have conversations with your spouse before your baby’s arrival. Key word, before. If you have to write it out on paper and place it where you can see it everyday, do it.  In my opinion, a new mom should be granted every boundary and every comfort. They are already undergoing major changes in their hormones, their body, and their being, that they deserve the full support and agreement from their spouse. 

Now for the tips/tricks and products that I personally feel like made life after a baby feel so much easier. I implored followers on our social media pages to list their questions on newborn life (I addressed the issues of boundaries and spousal communication above). My aim it to address those questions. If I didn’t keep it specific, this journal would go on forever. Below is a list of problem/solutions.

The Doom of the Night

I’ve always been fortunate thus far that both my babies were decent sleepers. However, I think every mom goes through that trialing stage when a baby’s circadian rhythm is not quite developed yet and they find themselves up most of the night. I remember crying to my husband saying “all I have to do is make it to 1:00 or 2:00 AM and then I’ll finally be able to sleep”. I’ve never been a night owl, so long nights awake just do not compliment me. While a newborn’s sleep patterns will be inconsistent at first, there are a few things I did for myself that made it much more tolerable the second time around than the first.

• Create a mama hub. What I mean by this is create a space that makes you feel most comfortable when you are nursing your baby (by nursing I am implying either breastfeeding or formula feeding). Next to my swivel rocking chair, I had a heating pad ready to go for the back pain I often have postpartum. I also had a basket of snacks; granola bars, date bars, protein bars, banana, etc to choose from because all of the wake hours and nursing made me hungry. 
  
• Find something to look forward to in the night. It’s inevitable that you’ll be awake, so be intentional about how you spend your time. Our phones are a great resource for social media scrolling to pass time, but during my second pregnancy I learned I could do so much more. I mainly used my phone to shop for groceries or items I needed for curbside pick up. I felt like this was brilliant because I could meal plan and make sure the house was stocked with what we needed, and then use the time during the day to just rest and not worry about running out to the stores. I also purchased a small book light and began reading again. As a mom, I find it difficult to read like I once did. However, I find I enjoy reading while I’m up late because it doesn’t hurt my eyes the way scrolling on the phone does. I’m sure for those more techy than I, you can use a tablet for reading. 
  
• Dress to Impress. When it comes to night time wear for babies, figure out what works best for your baby’s needs and yours as well. Room temperature is a huge factor in this conversation, but let’s pretend we are talking about a well regulated, ventilated space. You never want to overdress a baby, but you don’t want to underdress a baby either since no plush blankets are used at this time. If there was a mom who tried every sleep sack and method out there, I’m guilty of it. At the end of all the trials, both my baby’s loved the oversized muslin swaddles. Ensure that you know how to swaddle correctly. These muslin swaddles are breathable and quick to undo and re-swaddle. My least favorite product is any swaddle with the Velcro. It is the most annoying swaddle to use in my opinion and often it wears out quickly after only a few washes. Under the swaddle, I only dress the baby either in a onesie or nightgown, both will be linked for your viewing. These clothing articles are the easiest means for nighttime changes. Avoid outfits with buttons for nighttime.
  
• Light the Night. Do yourself a huge favor and purchase a dimmable night light. These are excellent for nighttime changes and general purposes when needing to see the baby or nurse the baby. 
  
• Pump It Out. A few followers asked for tips on engorgement. It is a very common issue, especially in the beginning when first starting to breastfeed. Overwhelmed by enough, I never had the motivation to get out my hefty pump, hook it up, clean it often, etc. However, a friend gifted me pure gold when she got me a hakutta pump. These pumps are so easy to use and are cleaned so easily. They work best when you are experiencing let down, but in the case of engorgement, hook this on and massage the breast. It will help release everything that is backed up. Other methods to help with engorgement are to take hot showers targeted at the engorgement sites, massage the breast while nursing, wear loose bras with no underwriting or no bra at all, and utilize products such as the frida mama breast masks that help with stopping engorgement.
  
  
• Diapers. Some women love reusable, cloth diapers, while others prefer disposable. While I like to use generic diapers for the later parts of development, in the beginning I prefer to use name brand diapers. I have found with both male and female babies, pampers for the newborn-one stage work best, while Huggies is great from size two on up. I have found that Hello Bello diapers have a very similar absorbency capability as Huggies, so I will use those interchangeably. My most recent find has been the “All Good” line at Walmart. They also have a charity component that donates a full days worth of diapers and wipes to families in need through Feeding America. Since discovering this, we have been investing in to this brand to help women in need.

It’s all in the prep

I had one follower ask if I would share how I prepare for a new baby’s arrival. Believe it or not, I start months in advance. With multiple kids, finding quiet pockets of time to prepare becomes less and less which each child you add to the brood. It can feel overwhelming, but if you start early, you’ll feel so much better! 

My first piece of advice is to invest in the inevitable. I begin buying diapers months in advance to lessen the financial punch it takes when baby comes. I’m methodical about my purchases. I utilize Target during these prep months and their gift card incentives to purchase diapers, then use the gift card I earned toward more baby supplies, or toward current needs for the kids or the home. By doing this, I’m saving money and prepping with the essentials that are most needed. I also like to prep the nursery ahead of time, creating a diaper changing station, gathering onesies and pajamas in a designated basket, and taking general inventory of what I have, what could be replaced (old wash cloths, burp cloths, etc), and what I want to add to make the new baby’s arrival feel even more special.

Spouse before babies

Our motto has always been: first God, then spouse, then children. No matter how much your baby consumes your time, make sure you and your spouse are on the same intimacy page. Ensure that you’re still making time to talk together, to laugh, and find intimate moments that continue to cultivate and nurture your marriage. Plan date nights, communicate with your babysitter, and commit to going out together. There will always be an adjustment period, but stay on the same page and make that time to concentration solely on your spouse.

Welcoming a baby home is just the beginning of a lifetime nurturing your child. Remember, God has equipped you with everything you need to raise your little one. As mothers, when we pursue God first, it makes child rearing so much easier. Choose to take on what seems like a monumental challenge with joy, grace, and determination. 

He will tend his flock like a shepherd; he will gather the lambs in his arms; he will carry them in his bosom, and gently lead those that are with young.

Isaiah 40:11